I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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