I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
