They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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