its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
