Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
