9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
