you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Randomize
