yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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