Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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