you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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