Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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