We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
