I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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