If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
