why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
