he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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