It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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