just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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