your parents love me but you hate me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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