home. puking in laundry basket.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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