hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
