Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
