listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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