Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
a search helicopter?!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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