i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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