Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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