So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
