That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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