I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
