There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
