i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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