I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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