No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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