I wanna bring you to show and tell
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
