You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
