I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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