Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
