i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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