Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
