i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
