is wine microwaveable?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
