And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
