my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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