my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
