Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
