I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
