Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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