Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
