My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
