Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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